Boobies and Bikinis
Ahhh Oh God!!! Oh good lord noooooo… Ughh get it away… AWAYYYY… Oh come on, seriously?! That is a pathetic excuse for swimwear.. Ughhhhh. Forget it.
And that is what I’m guessing my mother heard from behind closed doors as I flicked through pages upon pages of online shops in the bid to find the perfect bikini. Nowhere seems to do nice, simple (yet outrageously daring and super cool) bikinis to fit, ugh I hate the term but for lack of a better phrase, ‘a real-life woman’. Searching through Asos and Topshop.com, I’m finding it hard to come across a bikini which will ultimately fit a woman WITH BOOBS. Yep! Can’t seem to find one ladies. Which is completely baffling as I for one thought bikinis were made to, well, cover your ‘unmentionables’ no? And no no, I’m not just a crazy sun-worshipper relishing the first glimpse of sun that shocked us pale-faced Dubliners. The thing is, I’m going away for a month (to Tenerife with the girlies – checklist includes a suitcase full of Panadol, about 3 tonnes of Factor 50 and a hellofalotta patience – 12 girls might be a bit tough…)
But anyway, finding a bikini that isn’t just three bits of string sewn togther or a frilly little bandeau (that does virtually nothing) is proving to be a very difficult task. Is Bravismo too cringey an option? Oh gosh, unfortunately I may have no choice… help is much appreciated as not only is finding a bikini a dreaded task, putting it on is going to be even more challenging. My 3 days of fitness, determined healthy-eating, run-sprint-jog, water, sweat-baby-sweat attitude Vs. my Mehh Feck it, Do I really care? Ah I’m hungover/Drunk/Tired/Happy/Depressed, I need a McDonalds attitude are unfortunately cancelling each other out. Leaving me in post-winter shape and struggling to find some determination. But maybe, if I find my perfect bikini, the determination will automatically just kick in.
Yes, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking with it.