Hats have always been an interesting accessory. Unless being stomped down the catwalk for Philip Tracy, or at this seasons Prada, a host of descriptions for them include outrageous, colossal, towering, impending, looming, and just generally hazardous to the public eye. Of course, these specifically refer to the usual hat-related activities like the races, weddings, and all religious associated activities. I have always wondered why and how women, already trying to navigate through hordes of relatives and distant cousins-dog-walkers-aunts in pencil thin Louboutin styled heels, can put up with hats of such large proportions. Bigger is better is the pinnacle of advice for hat-wearers, whether it impedes on their showring-side socialising, or interfers with their navigation up the aisle to receive communion.
This hat enables the wearer to take flight mid-conversation if they become bored or unentertained
However, despite all this, it turned out that three of us Mc Ginns had decided to partake in some hat-wearing antics at the young ones communion at the weekend. And, to my surprise, we found the hats useful for a multiple of other reasons instead. It turns out that the wide-brim of a hat is not only to attract attention and photographers in the hopes of being featured on the back pages of Social and Personal, but also it acts as a cover up for a range of sins. In mass, my hat enabled me to cover up my ‘slightly’ bored and tired looking face as the 47th child went up to receive their first slice of holy bread. Pulled slightly to the side it allowed me to keep up a fairly consistent murmured conversation with my neighbour about bouncing castles, banoffee pie and the upcoming rugby match. And, outside the church, it allowed me a protected ‘checking-out’ of dresses, shoes, bags, and the amazing hair of ‘that’ neighbour. It may have perhaps caused a slight inconvenience for anyone sitting beside me, behind me, or ten rows back from me, but overall I’d believe this to be only a slight compensation for the abundance of benefits afforded to me, and all while keeping my eyes shaded from the overcast sky. I’d recommend a hat for all your upcoming family and mandatory events.
The hats with their respective competitors
Rachel chose a trilby, taking third place in the Most Useful Hat competition. Whilst the hat provided only limited coverage for blocking the unpreventative yawning, the ribbon, which could be removed and retied, provided unlimitedd entertainment.
With a diameter of only 21cm, Rachel's hat proved poor at covering facial expressions
But the ribbon provided extra entertainment
My own hat, purchased from TK Maxx, came a close second place. The brim, measured at an impressive 40 cm, provided ample coverage for activities such as yawning, closed eyes, and eyeing up other outfits. However it lost marks due to only one-sided coverage.
At the widest the hat measures just iver 40cm
The aesthetic bow detail however reduced coverage to one side
With the widest brim, Lorna’s hat takes first place in the Hat Wars. The flop shielded all unwanted yawns, snores, stares and accidental drooling, and allowed for full panoramic views of the other guests.
- At a full 44cm, the brim allowed for all angle coverage
Perfect shade for any yawning or tongue wagging
